Sweet as pie was my little guy, now he's at Rainbow Bridge up in the sky.

I haven't blogged since the passing of my dear baby boy, Smokey. It's been an especially difficult time without him here. I've pretty much given up on life, gained all my weight back that I'd lost, my anxiety has flared up terribly -- it's been just plain crappy. There have been some bright spots however, a kitten was literally dumped on my doorstep a mere three weeks after Smokey's passing (that kitten was said to be three weeks old by the vet at that time too... creepy!). The kitten has six "toes" on both of his front paws, so that's pretty neat. My Wife and I have named him James Bandit A.K.A. Jimmy Six-Toes, and he has helped not only me, but Max (Smokey's best friend) and Kathlyn.

I go on and on about Smokey, but truth be told, his Sister Kendall is just as close to me and we have hurt a lot together these past months. Max was taking Smokey's death pretty darn hard, he would lie next to a spot that Smokey slept frequently, paw outstretched, head firmly pressed into the carpet. A few times he would find a spot where some of Smokey's fur still remained and begin to search frantically for his buddy -- but he would never be there, Max would walk away, clearly heartbroken. Jimmy has helped Max to deal with his pain, he gets to play "grandpa" to the little kitten.

Kendall has not been social in the slightest (other than a couple moments when Jimmy was barely three weeks old), she has taken to cuddling up with me and sleeping, exactly like her fallen brother. Kendall and I were as close as I thought we'd ever be, but after Smokey passed, we have bonded even closer. She still has a hard time accepting he's gone -- I can see it in her face, in the way she behaves, she and I are lost together. Thankfully, we do indeed have each other and that makes it a little easier for us both.

Dozens of people have offered their condolences, the vet and the funeral home that handled Smokey have made donations to a local animal shelter in his memory, his ashes reside inside of a Spider-Man themed stuffed cat doll. He is greatly missed and still greatly loved, not just by me, but my Wife, my Mama, the entire staff at Coble Animal Hospital and others. He was truly a remarkable cat, tough as nails and sweet as pie, he was just the most adorable little guy, Max lost a best friend, Kendall a brother, and my Wife and I a son -- I'll find my way and be better than ever, and it will be because of him. Whenever times are tough, and I feel like giving up, feeling sad because Smokey's not here, I'll remember he's alive in my heart, he's at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for me, up in the sky.